As the mom of 2 children, one with autism, both with type 1 diabetes, I have had my fair share of challenges to face over the years. One of the biggest issues that I struggle with is that of control, or at least the illusion of control.
This control freak pathology is a common one among parents of children with special needs. We have been faced with a lot of things in our lives that we didn’t have a say in or control over, so we throw ourselves head on into trying to control every other thing in our lives. No one could possibly care about our child as much as we do, so how can they be trusted to do the critical work of caring for, teaching, treating our vulnerable children?
Trying to control everything, however well-intentioned our efforts might be, is an exhausting and isolating effort. The reality is that it’s not so much about control as it is about FEAR. Fear about who will care for our children when we are gone, fear that the systems and professionals involved in that care will not be available or properly prepared, fear that something else, something even worse than what we’ve already faced, might happen at some unknown, unanticipated time in the future.
For me, the thing that best tempers my control/fear issues is reaching out and asking for help and sharing my fears with other parents, friends and family. Even in the act of asking for help I have to overcome a bit of fear, the fear that I am NOT the supermom that people expect and that I really can’t do it all. Overcoming that particular fear and letting go of a little control has made a huge difference in my life.
Go ahead. Give it a try. We can help each other.
