As Americans it is clear that we value and admire that independent, cowboy, “can-do” spirit. Independence is always high on the list of things that we want for ourselves and our children.
Asking FOR help
Asking for help is an emotionally loaded act, but one that I HIGHLY recommend. As a mom of a young adult with a disability I have found that asking for help has been one of the best and most productive things that I have done over the years. Mom’s often have the desire to be seen as the “supermom”, able to take on any challenge, solve any problem with her own creativity and determination. The benefits that I have seen from asking for help have not only been getting assistance with a particular issue or problem, but I have as a result become connected to people and a community that has made my life better and richer in many ways. In asking for help, whether it be a small short term problem, be specific in your request and be willing to participate in the process in whatever way you can.
Asking TO help
Asking TO help is often another very loaded and sensitive act. When you see a mom at the store with a child having a tantrum, or there is someone in a wheelchair struggling to open a door, or you learn of a neighbor who is facing health issues, HOW do you offer to help? Do you offer to help? In my experience, the best thing has been to ask, “Is there something I can do to help?”. Sometimes the answer will be a grateful “Yes”, other times it might be “No”. No, might be because the person is trying to learn or teach something in the process, struggle leads to growth and we don’t want to get in the way of that. Offers of help that are very specific are easier to accept . Can I hold the door for you? Carry one of your bags? Would you like to go in front of me in line? Maybe you have particular skills or expertise that you can offer as help.
The thing about helping is, not only does it give assistance to someone who needs it, but it almost always leaves the “helper” feeling good as well. In the big picture it is more about INTERDEPENDENCE than INDEPENDENCE anyway. Let’s help each other.
Joanna Jaeger
Mom, advocate, helper,
Board member, Parents Helping Parents
A great place to ask for help is PHP
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Tags: Parents, Parents Helping Parents
